I'm Only Grateful For...

   We've all heard it before, "our gratitude affects our attitude" as well as, "our attitude controls our altitude". Nice "cat poster" comments, wouldn't you say? Most of the time, I even doubted I could get to the "decent attitude" altitude, much less than soaring up in the clouds with all the other happy, go-lucky cat poster owners.

   But, reaching my age and looking at the next decade of life with a heathy amount of pre-mid-life- crisis thinking, I've kind of come to the point where maybe it is time to start changing the tune of my thinking. Maybe In looking back, I might find something that I've missed.

   It's not really 'changing' my thinking, as it is shifting to a different filter to find the positive results of my last few decades' experiences on Earth, and what they've taught me. It's like using a different word search to find something, or using a synonym of a word you've already used too many times, so you can say something a little different with this statement.

   I wanted to begin thinking of lessons of my life that I could use to propel myself and maybe a few of those who care to join me forward. What I did was really quite effective, and mostly, because it was ridiculously simple. I highly suggest you try something similar.

   So, I did some searches for some positive-sounding music to get me in a good state of mood, and I found a song by Brian Crain, "A Song for Rome" that was perfect. You should do a search for it. Actually it pretty much overwhelmed me, because the song is almost haunting, but still light, proud and moving. It made me remember and think of things I had experienced that were kind of tinged with sadness but still very glad I experienced. I wasn't aiming for these, but found I needed to experience them.

   As I listened, I just became overwhelmed with a deep sense of gladness, a calm but powerful kind of "thank you" came over me that I could only lift up heavenward and offer up in a humble thanks offering to my creator. This energy stayed with me all day, and even into the night. Even still as I write this a day later at 3:20 am, I can feel it like a wave in the ocean I got to ride but just for a few seconds, but it carried me so far.

   So, if you're still around reading this and wondering what the "only thing" I am grateful for is, what I'm thankful that happened to me, I will have to say: Every thing. Every single thing. Every valley. Every mountaintop. Every triumph. Every failure. Every heartache. Every break up, loss, every moment of sadness and silence and seemingly vast separation from God and all of humanity, all of it. They taught me something. They made me something.

   I'm thankful for every moment I was desperately alone. I'm thankful for every moment I couldn't have had more friends. Every day that I spent longing for and searching for anything that could fill me up, I am grateful. Every day that I was blissfully overwhelmed with more than enough that I couldn't hold it all in-I Am Grateful.

   I'm grateful for when I was deployed to areas like Iraq and Afghanistan filled with hate, violence, war, death, and destruction, for it has taught me compassion and a deep reverence for life. I'm grateful for seeing a side of divorce many don't want to see, and probably couldn't fathom or come close to understanding because it has shown me my capacity to love, to see consequences of actions and inaction on both ends. I'm grateful for parents who are still together today, though at times growing up I wondered "what on earth are these people still doing together?", because all they did was fight, yell, and scream at each other. Whatever glue held them together, I'm grateful for.

   I'm thankful for having a body that holds the capacity to be obese, the susceptibility to heart disease, diabetes, cancer, arthritis, to be severely limited in motion because of multiple herniated and bulging discs yet still function because I am active, I move, I am paying attention, and I am intentional and mindful of every health and nutrition action that I take.

A gracious heart creates waves that everyone sees, and feels

   You see, every bit of my life is a story, and it's the same with you and your life. Everything we've done or has happened to us can be used to remember how much we either despise the invisible hand that guides and decides why we are not where we want to be, and we can park there and pout. OR, we can look back and see and understand the good, take the positive lessons learned, adapt our future thinking and acting from better choices and habits based on our past and lessons learned. We can take an ounce of gratitude that says, "I am so glad this happened to me, because it has taught me so much. And also, it always could have been so much worse."

   Everything happens for a reason. I may not understand it, may not like it, and I may want to sit and complain about it for a while. But, if I learn the lesson I'm supposed to learn, I can stop having to revisit those places, and maybe share the story with others, which is what I think we're supposed to be doing anyways.

   Every one of our lives is a story that weaves in and out of so many other lives, like waves on a beach stretching for miles and miles. Everyone sees it, and everyone feels it. What will they see? What will they feel when they are touched by your life? What story will your life say to others at the end of it? What will mine? Hopefully from now on, something good.

Blessings, and I hope my thoughts are of use.

-Joshua D. Hollers


Image courtesy of seaskylab / FreeDigitalPhotos.net